I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
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I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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