Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
