laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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