got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
