just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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