Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
