Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
