The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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