Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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