He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
