I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The power of my boobs compel you
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
