Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize