She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
