you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
