guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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