Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
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What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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