And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
