i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
