My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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