saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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