after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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