my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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