I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
