Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
