There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
