Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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