what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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