Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize