So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
