it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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