So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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