great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
