im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
