im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
