saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize