So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
