Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
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So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
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Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i think my cat just said my name.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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