the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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