booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize