Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
