just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
