How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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