I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
