I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize