Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
