OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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