if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
