I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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