we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
