saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
