my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
