she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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