I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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