woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
