When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
